In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles.
Greetings, fellow Earthicans! We all know there's a lot going wrong on this crazy little planet of ours these days. Financial crises. Protests. Riots. A gallon of gas costs more than a Happy Meal. Andy Whitfield's not gonna be Spartacus anymore and Batiatus and Lucretia are dead.... But is that any reason to stick your head between your knees for impact (or merely in the sand)? No sir-ee-Bob!
True, life can be one sucky bag of diapers (used diapers). But if you've got your head in a position rendering you unable to look around a bit (i.e. between your knees or the sand), you'll definitely miss all the good, sometimes ridiculously simple things that are worth sticking around for. Drawing a blank on simple joys? Not to worry! I happen to be an expert on finding amusement in the
mundane. So, in honor of the upcoming season of new life and rebirth, I present some simple reasons to be happy today:
2. Llamas..... what? Llamas are awesome!
3. Getting stuff right on Jeopardy! (I always like it when they have a B-way musicals category. I feel S-M-R-T cuz I usually get the whole thing right!)
4. Ice cream
5. Nudity. And no, I'm not saying we should all go hippy and find a nude beach (unless you want to. Up to you.) But I must say the feeling of being, for a moment or two, totally unconfined goes unacknowledged and unappreciated for the most part. When you undress this evening, before you switch to your jammies, really pay attention to how nice it feels when the air hits your skin. It's quite pleasant! Just lie on your bed and be naked for a second (unless you've got a room mate, then that's kinda creepy). For those of you self-conscious individuals, take a look in the mirror (if you've got one) and be okay with what you see.
6. Betty White
7. The color Orange. Yet another underappreciated gift of nature. Almost (but not quite) as overlooked as the color Yellow.
8. Waffles. Matter of fact, I had some waffles for breakfast this morning and I can safely say that they made me very happy!
9. Towels fresh from the dryer
10. Charlie Sheen. Be it his stirring oration about his bitchin', bi-winning, tiger blooded, drug-called-"Charlie-Sheen" lifestyle, or the mere fact that you are not him and, therefore, a troll (or something), Charlie Sheen's been making everybody happy about something these days. I know we're only 2 months and 1 week into the year, but I think Charlie's a total shoo-in the 2011 Biggest Douche Award...... Presented by Mel Gibson...... from the Intergalactic Scientology Convention...... on Mars.
11. Kitty Fails
12. Chuck Norris. Hey! Did you know that Chuck Norris actually died 20 years ago? Yeah! Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet. Chuck Norris has also been known to make a Happy Meal cry!
13. Treasure Trolls
14. Lawn Flamingos
15. Obese Asian Kids. Though I do believe that all morbidly obese children are morbidly funny, regardless of their race, religion, or creed, I refer to Asian because they resemble mini sumo wrestlers. And everyone knows that mini versions of big things are extra funny.
Well, there you have it. 15 perfectly good reasons to smile and be happy. Feel free to add to the list. But for now, good night, fellow Earthicans. Harooooooo!!!!
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