Life, the Universe, and Everything: a tribute to chapters 1 & 2

Quote of the Day:
"Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun." - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Story time! I stumbled into my local Barnes & Noble the other evening, as I was armed with a wealth of collected B&N gift cards. One from Aunt Linda and Uncle George last Christmas, one from Aunt Linda and Uncle George this Christmas, and yet a third from (I think) Mike's mom for (I think) my birthday, with $1.79 remaining on it.

I first selected The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z by Max Brooks, because ever since I saw Zombieland, I've pretty much decided that I now want to grow up to be a zombie decapitator. Woody Harrelson is a paragon of ass-kicking awesomeness to begin with, but Zombieland elevated him to the Chuck Norris level of ass-kicking awesomeness, a high honor indeed! Mountain Dew Code Red + Bill Murray + Chainsaws used as weapons + Twinkies = One fuckin' epic movie!!!

But I digress. My second selection was predetermined before even stumbling into B&N. I had heard of a wonderful series of books written several years ago and the fact that I had not read them yet amazed many. However, my long love affair with a certain Mr. Steinbeck had been too intense for me to notice any other authors for quite some time. Not that Mr. Steinbeck and I have broken up, we're just on a break.... and we're not exclusive anymore. Once again, I digress.

That predetermined series was none other than (If you didn't already guess from the post title and Quote of the Day) Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Five books in one paperback volume. So far, I have only read the preface and chapters 1 and 2. But I already have a feeling that this book - this series - is going to change my life!

From the very first sentence, Hitchhiker clearly states that Earth, our home planet, the only habitat we have and know, which collectively is the center of our personal universe, is albeit totally insignificant and painfully primitive in the eyes of the rest of space. I can't imagine much truer sentiments. Not that I can speak for the rest of the universe, but we (and when I say "we", I refer to the current population of the planet Earth) seriously are strange race of beings. We call our system of cohabitation a "civilization" or "society." We progress and fall, we build and destroy; we don't learn anything. Our happiness depends on the movement of some green pieces of paper. The green pieces of paper move, but we're still, for the most part unhappy. Apparently, some girl figured out the solution without having to get nailed to a tree. I'm sure it was painfully simple, but I sure wish she'd shared that solution before that stupid catastrophe. But no. We're still here in the mindset that digital watches are a neat idea. We float around on this rock, thinking we're in charge of every other rock in the solar system. Isn't it possible that the reason we haven't come in contact with any other beings foreign to this planet is because we're not interesting to the rest of the universe? If other planets have the technology and ability to cruise the galaxy, I would imagine that we would be like the world's lamest, most boring roadside attraction in comparison. If you're cruising across the country, would you really pull over in excitement to see the "World's Smallest Pecan"? If you are, bless your heart. But seriously, if we were able to zip around space like the Jetsons, would you stop and check out a planet inhabited by beings with the collective intelligence and philosophy of an amoeba?

I guess my point is that even though we're not worthy of a visit, let alone an attack for what we consider to be precious resources, I'd sure like a visit from some friendly, yet superior beings to show us the light. Obviously, we're totally failing at this "civilization" thing. After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome (Einstein said that... I think he got stranded here because he was too awesome to be a regular humanoid). So other beings, in your awesome space-traveling powers, can you cure our insanity so we may rise up and be worthy to learn from all the universe has to offer? There's just gotta be more than us in this very, very, very big collection of rocks.

Maybe I'll figure things out further when I finish the rest of the book(s).

...and maybe the best part of all this: I've still got $25 worth of B&N gift card left!

Just say it! It feels good!

Quote of the Day:
"Feel the rhythm! Feel the rhyme! Get on up, it's bobsled time! COOL RUNNINGS!" - Cool Runnings

I've been doing some thinking about my friendship issues. My wise, beloved boyfriend says that my attempts to appease everybody is due in part to my "big heart." Well, dearest darlingest boyfriend, you're right. Now what I must do is acquire an equally powerful sack of marbles to accompany and protect that aforementioned organ from getting abused and manipulated by bullies. I hope I am always viewed as someone with a big, loving, open heart, but I do NOT wish to be viewed as someone who can be taken advantage of because I'm a people pleaser. I am WAY too old to let people (be it my mother, my friend, or anyone for that matter) make me feel small so they feel better. I need to toughen up because I don't want to get trampled anymore..... plus I feel bad for constantly complaining about it to my boyfriend. He doesn't need it and neither do I! So-fucking-THERE! So fuck you, people! You shall not run roughshod on me. That's my job!

And while I'm at it, I need to stop worrying about people not liking the person I'm in love with. I like/love him and that's what matters. I don't have to agree with you or follow your rules. Hell, I don't even have to listen to you if I don't want to. So fuck you too!

Hear that, folks? I like to make everyone happy and I still like you, but if you're gonna try and make me unhappy, FUCK YOU! *Inhale, Exhale* Ah! That's better!

Ok, heavy subject matter is over for the night. If you're still reading (which if you are, I commend you! Because I'm pretty sure that at 11:30pm, I'm not making sense anymore) I shall reward you with our favorite group of talking socks:

Life Lessons and the NBC Thursday Night Lineup

Joke of the Day:
What does the receptionist at a sperm clinic say to clients as they’re leaving?
"Thanks for coming!"

Evening, boys and girls! Well with all this drama being whipped up by parties other than myself, I've been losing sleep and breaking out like a teenager. But y'know what? I don't care anymore. I'm really sick of being surrounded by adults who insist on remaining emotionally in the 8th grade, and I will not subject myself to it any longer. In the brilliant words (lyrics) of Avenue Q, "For my own sanity, I've gotta close the door and walk away."

I went to the read-thru for South Pacific the other day, which was oodles of fun. This promises to be an entertaining cast. Actors have gotta be some of the most eclectic, wonderful people on the planet! Only thing we need now is someone to help some folks with their fake French accents so they don't sound German.

Anyway, we're reading through the script and we're getting a feel for what the message and story is all about. Yes, it's an old, kinda dated show, but it truly transcends and speaks to every single living person and it always will. It's not just that racism is stupid and petty and wrong. I think the real lesson to take away from South Pacific is that life is too wonderful and special and important and short to worry about things like the color of someone's skin or what society may expect of you or reasons why you shouldn't. Life is about doing, creating, loving, challenging, and living. It shouldn't be spent hating and curbed.

Ok, now to the fun part of the night. Thursday night comedy is back on tonight! Boo-to-the-effing-YAH!!!! We're starting with Community. I haven't been a regular viewer, but I might be soon. This show is hilarious! It's kind of like It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia without the inappropriateness! It's gotta be one of the best excuses to get a bunch of really funny bantering people in a room. It's just hard to watch Chevy Chase on this show while remembering what he looked like 25 years ago in Christmas Vacation.

Ok, I'm gonna watch and you should too! All is right with the world.

The Haters, the Bigots, and Me

Quote of the Day:
"Are we about to get it on? 'Cuz I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now." - Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights

Well, my best friend of 12-13 years has decided not to be a good friend lately. Actually, she's taken the necessary steps towards behavior of enemy proportions. Now I won't bore you with the details (plus I'm tired of regaling this convoluted story yet again), but in short, my bestie, her boyfriend, and another buddy decided to try to ruin my New Year's Eve by being immature, offensive, hateful, petty 12 year-olds. My boyfriend and I were called things that rhyme with bike, hunt, and wussy.... among other ridiculous things.

We determined that this behavior was a result of our decision to not attend her New Year's Eve party. My bestie has always been on the self-centered side and tends to raise a lot of unnecessary Hell when she doesn't get her way. I met up with the three culprits a few days later, hoping for an apology for such "bad friend" behavior. Ha! No such luck. It has been almost 2 weeks since New Years Eve and I have received nothing but either nonexistent, half-assed placating apologies or "yes, buts..." from all three of them

Here's the thing: you insult my boyfriend, you insult me. You call my boyfriend (or any Jew, for that matter) a rhymes-with-"bike", you call me a rhymes-with-"bike." If my boyfriend called my best friend a rhymes-with-"bunt", I would be very upset with him. I would be mortified that the man I'm in a relationship with could be such a lousy person.

But no. My best friend (really my only close girl friend) has totally disregarded my anger and she wants to carry on like nothing's happened. I would love nothing more than to act like nothing's happened and be besties again, but I don't think I can do that. I don't know how I can remain friends with someone who is that willing to hurt me. I don't know if she realizes how hurtful she was. She (and her boyfriend and my other buddy) said things that would be considered below the belt by even an enemy. I can't forgive her if she won't even try to make things right.

What would you do? When a longtime friend hurts you so badly and won't admit how wrong they were, where do you go from there?