Lamest Christmas Song of All Time:

Fun Fact of the Day:
In Pennsylvania, it is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.

The Christmas Shoes. I can't stand that friggin' song! Just shove a big wad of stale cotton candy down my throat, why dontcha?! (By the way, I effing HATE cotton candy). I'm a Jew at Christmastime. If I'm gonna be subjected to the endless barrage of saccharine Christmas music invading the radio for a month and a half, at least give me some happy, peppy saccharine! Not this tear-jerking load of sap.

Now, in my frustration, I went to find a music video of this song (in case you've never heard it before) that showcases how lame it really is. Instead, I found this. I'm pretty sure that whoever made this video meant for it to be a moving piece of catharsis. However, I found myself nearly in tears, not by its sentimental message, but by how incredibly ridiculous it is. I couldn't breathe for a while because I was laughing so hard. Enjoy.


Christmas Shoes

Mrs. Patterson | Myspace Video

10 Things I Love About This Video:
1. It was obviously filmed in a Wal Mart
2. The kid has a rattail
3. The awful pantomiming (especially 1:45)
4. The shoes, which my mom referred to as "'Eff Me' Pumps"
5.The guy's reading In Touch behind the kid.
6. The cut off fingers on the kid's glove to make him look like Tiny Tim
7. Radio Disney
8. The Shell Credit Card
9. An 11 year-old kid riding a bike with training wheels
10. Touch the ornament

With shoes like that, I'm wondering what that kid's story is. I mean, those shoes are pretty skanky and no kid would buy shoes like that for his mom unless he'd probably seen her wear a pair like them before. Maybe he's poor because his mom's a hooker and they have no money because daddy ran off and won't pay child support and she snorts all her earnings away. And maybe Mommy's dying from some nasty STD or a bum needle or she's ODing and she lost her shoes in the hospital while looking for the pharmacy's stash of prescription drugs. Now her son has to run out to Walmart to find her a replacement pair! Well Merry fucking Christmas, Ma! ........God I'm sick. :)

Well, I now know that I will never listen to "The Christmas Shoes" in the same way again. I may actually enjoy hearing it, now that I have that entertaining visual to accompany it!



So in conclusion, Happy 2nd night of Hanukkah to all, and to all lilah tov!

Food in Taco Bell Commercials vs. Food in Taco Bell

Quote of the Day
"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." - Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

Ok, I just watched a Taco Bell commercial, plugging the "XXL Chalupa." Let's watch:



After watching this, I call shenanigans! That commercial showed mounds of seasoned beef topped with gooey, succulent cheese whiz and other fresh toppings in a crunchy chalupa shell. But is that what Taco Bell XXL Chalupa consumers get? No! They get this pile of Mexican sadness:

Ironically, this is kind of how it looks on the way out too. For those of you who don't participate in the indulgence of simply awful Mexican fast food, be warned. You may find wonderful, filling satisfaction in such a concoction for a fleeting five minutes or so. But soon after that, be prepared for a long bout of discomfort in the "pooping" area (I quote "pooping" because after eating Taco Bell, solid poop is a thing of the past for the next two days of your life).



Here is yet another example, The Taco Bell Crunchy Taco:
Crunchy, my ass! This thing looks like it could have been sitting on a heating tray for 3 days. Taco number 1 has equal amounts of beef and lettuce packed into a sturdy, crunchy-looking shell, with a generous garnish of shredded cheese. Taco number 2..... not so much. That shell looks like it's been submerged in water and dried out again, and.... um..... where's the beef? All you can see is cheapo lettuce and melted-then-re-solidified cheese.


FAIL indeed!




Now, don't get me wrong. There are many, many restaurants that are also guilty of such false advertising, like Burger King's egg, cheese, & sausage croissant:

What you see:












....and what you get:












Or there's the Arby's roast beef sandwich. What you see:











....and what you get:










And finally, the ever popular Big Mac. What you see:















....and what you get:













But then again, no other fast food meal has matched the Big Mac's claim to be able to sit uncovered for months and appear no less fresh than the day it was purchased (I wouldn't recommend eating it then, however).

I guess my point today is that if you've got the munchies at 2 in the morning, consider having the sober person in your group to make some home-made grilled cheese sandwiches. At least you know it'll be fresh!


And now, to totally change the subject, here's a quick Family Guy clip, just for laughs:

Tortilla Soup and An Ode To "Some Enchanted Evening"

So Mom and I made THE most amazing chicken tortilla soup ever consumed by man (or woman). I haven't tasted something so scrumptious in quite a while! I wanted to live in that ceramic bowl of Mexican delight. You won't believe it, but my soup actually looked better than this picture. In retrospect, I should have taken a picture of my soup. Oh well, that picture's pretty good too. Here's the recipe if y'all want it:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Chicken-Tortilla-Soup-I/Detail.aspx

.....we made some alterations, but you have to pay to make changes and save them on the website. Shenanigans, I tell ya! Shenanigans!!!!! So basically, keep the chicken and chili powder, then adjust to your own tastes. Enjoy!


And now, An Ode to "Some Enchanted Evening":

Some enchanted evening
You may see a stranger,
you may see a stranger
Across a crowded room
And somehow you know,
You know even then
That somewhere you'll see her
Again and again.

Some enchanted evening
Someone may be laughing,
You may hear her laughing
Across a crowded room
And night after night,
As strange as it seems
The sound of her laughter
Will sing in your dreams.

Who can explain it?
Who can tell you why?
Fools give you reasons,
Wise men never try.

Some enchanted evening
When you find your true love,
When you feel her call you
Across a crowded room,
Then fly to her side,
And make her your own
For all through your life you
May dream all alone.

Once you have found her,
Never let her go.
Once you have found her,
Never let her go!

"Some Enchanted Evening." I was listening to AccuBroadway Radio just now, and on comes the 2008 revival version (sung by Paulo Szot). I thought to myself, "What a song." My super-absolute favorite version of it is that of renowned Broadway tenor, Brian Stokes Mitchell (featuring Reba McEntire) at the South Pacific. Seriously, if dark chocolate had a voice..... Anyway, let's have a listen:



.....Such a lovely song about spotting a moment that you know is special and vowing to hold onto it.*Sigh* Good stuff.

So in conclusion, I've had a pretty good night. Tortilla soup, beautiful Broadway love songs, pumpkin-scented candles (Bath & Body Works, you effing RULE!), watching Glee (the homophobe jock just kissed Kurt! Oh. Em. Gee.), 30Rock, & the Office. God Bless DVR!!!

If you're blue and you don't know where to go to why don't you go where fashion sits……… PUGGGNINHGHHHRIZZZ!!!!

Quote of the Day:
"Could you please step on the same foot at the same time! My tits are falling off!" - Empress Nympho, History of the World, Part I

Evening, campers!

This has been one whirlwind of a weekend! We finished THE greatest run of "The Producers" in history. Saturday brought us the best and largest crowd of the run. Only two complaints: 1) I scraped my knee when I got caught on my Bavaria skirt while crawling between Mark's legs, ans 2) My goddamn confetti cannon didn't go off! Meh, it's all good. they loved us! And I love them! And I love the cast and crew...... and they love me for loving them and I love them for loving me!

Plus I got to eat a buttload of Olive Garden breadsticks!



Today we struck the set (well, SOME of us struck the set...... slackers!). Then I test drove my dad's friend's '99 Mercury Sable (it's green, my favorite color!!!) and I'm gonna make him an offer tomorrow! Now I want your suggestions on hat to name it:


Here are a few I was thinking of:
Esteban
Theodore
Priscilla
Vanessa
Esmerelda
Norm (named after the guy selling it to me)









Now I'm chillin', dozing, and vegging, watching the Royal Tennenbaums. I effing LOVE this movie. It's gotta be one of the driest, sharpest, quirkiest, funniest, most original pieces of film I've ever seen. Not one weak link. Not to mention, the soundtrack is incredible!

Ok, enough small talk. Y'all need to gimmie your suggestions on what to name my car!

and.....GO!

The Journey Begins... With a discussion on the intelligence of turkeys.

Joke of the Day:
Why don't Asian people make Caucasian babies?

Because two wongs don't make white! **Rimshot**


Greetings, readers!

Welcome to my first blog entry! I used to keep one on Myspace a few years ago, but people stopped reading, so I stopped writing. But I don't really care who reads this. It's mostly for me anyway. However, for those of you who do feel like coming along on my penned journey, here's a few meat-n'-potatoes basics about me and my present life:

1) As you probably saw above, I'm a Nice Jewish Girl with an unhealthy obsession with Broadway musicals. That is 100% true. Seriously, ask me anything Broadway-related. I got a 101% in my History of American Musical Theatre class.

2) I'm 24 and still live at home.

3) I am head-over-heels in love with my boyfriend of 4 years and 1 month. We hope to get a place together as soon as we can afford it.... what does "head over heels" mean, anyway? Isn't your head always over your heels? I dunno.

4) Each blog entry is probably going to start out with a fun little quote or joke of the day (whatever keeps ya coming back!)

5) My favorite color is green (that green in Spring when the sun shines through the leaves.... yeah)

6) I love food.



Ok, I just spoke to my boyfriend and he recalled an interesting topic that we had discussed earlier. And since Thanksgiving is approaching, I figured this would be the perfect time to bring it up:

We all know turkeys are pretty dumb creatures, right? *How dumb are they???* Well, I heard that they're SO dumb, that when it rains, turkey owners have to bring their turkeys indoors because they look up at the rain with their mouths open until they drown!



Now, some of you may say that that's a myth and they don't actually do that and they technically can't "look up" because their eyes are on opposite sides of their heads. However, I did a little research and found this on Snopes.com:

• Domesticated turkeys are not necessarily "stupid," but because they have been bred in captivity for so many generations, they lack the survival skills of their wild cousins: They're weak, they're fat, they're not agile, they can't run very fast, and they can't fly. All of this makes it more difficult for them to survive on their own in an unprotected environment, so when something unusual occurs (such as a storm), they tend to panic. Frightened domestic turkeys will usually run as best they can until they reach a corner or fence or some other barrier to progress, but even then they may continue their efforts to escape, piling onto each other and possibly suffocating those at the bottom of the heap.

Ok, so we've established from this myth-busting website that they may not necessarily drown via rainstorm, but after viewing some of the videos below, we can also argue that they are still pretty dumb.

Final Verdict: STUPID!

Now, in conclusion, I'd like present you with some prime turkey-themed YouTube entertainment to bring a smile (or at least a snicker) to your evening.







Ok, that's all I've got for this evening. Tune in next time!

Adios, au revoir, wiedersehen, ta-ta-ta, goodbye, get lost, get out!