Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump."
I was just thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know!) about, of
all things, mate-attracting rituals. Just about every group of species on this
rock we live on has some procedure they instinctively carry out in order to
attract a partner, be it for recreation or reproduction. But seriously, there are some
really weird rituals out there these animals do, purely on instinct! Some puff themselves up and perform
elaborate dances, some present gifts, some butt their heads into each other,
some roar and make menacing gesticulations, some release their sperm out into
the ocean, some just hop on and start humping…
Mate selection is achieved by two main methods:
1 . The
animal primps, adorns, struts, and presents itself to be attractive to the
desired mate.
2 . The
animal attacks the shit out of any rivals vying for the desired mate.
I find it interesting that in almost every case of mate
selection protocol, in almost every type of mammal, reptile, amphibian, bird,
fish, and invertebrate, it almost always seems to be the male of the species
that performs the mating dance or the pebble presentation or the “cock-fight.” It is the male that presents all its
plumage and aggression and effort to the female’s judgment.
I’m not sure how I feel about this fact of nature, for
humans are to be included in this observation too. Part of me feels flattered. My gender is so sought after
that almost all species have these extravagant methods males instinctively
perform to attract us. However,
another (stronger) part of me has a feeling that it’s not so much my gender
that’s so sought after, but merely the physical attributes of my gender (aka-
my va-jay-jay) and those males are lucky we don’t make them do more than some
stupid bird dance to get into our pants.
Ever since humans decided they were the smartest beings on
the planet (however, according to The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, they are actually the third most intelligent,
surpassed by mice and dolphins), men have had a particularly difficult time appealing to
females as an appropriate mate.
When selecting a mate, the female has to consider factors like
hunting/gathering skills, security and safety provision, and potential gene
contribution to her future offspring.
I think human males have a tougher time these days, not just because
they typically have to appear attractive sexually as well as emotionally to
have a chance with a female (a challenging task, indeed!), but also because one
of the most effective human male mating rituals has slowly deteriorated from
our species: Chivalry.
Author Kenelm
Henry Digby offers the
following definition: “Chivalry is only a name for that general spirit or state
of mind which disposes men to heroic actions, and keeps them conversant with
all that is beautiful and sublime in the intellectual and moral world.”
I’m of the impression that chivalry is the ongoing mating
dance of the human male species.
Men have to keep dancing pretty much until they die if they want to hold
on to their mate and keep her impressed. Of course, these days, when you think “chivalry,” you think dudes in shining armor on a
horse with a sword, assisting some otherwise helpless young maiden. I’m not saying a guy should be expected
to throw his coat on a puddle for a lady or slap someone in the face with a
glove and challenge them to a duel for her “honor.” But making a practice of holding a door (for anyone; it’s
polite) or just treating a
female like she’s more than a humpable piece of meat is a good step in the
right direction. An act that makes
any person feel respected and appreciated as a person is my personal definition
of “Chivalry 2.0.”
In today’s world of liberated, ambitious women who often
need to step on a few testicles to be taken seriously, chivalry is often forced
to the backseat and assumed dead.
I say not so! It's tough for guys to determine that fine line between sexism and chivalry. It's not like the old days when courting was a formal process and you were allowed to physically assault your mate after you've legally snagged her. But that doesn't mean charm and suave need to be shut off entirely in order to not piss off the ladies. Though the art of manliness has changed over time, the basic
idea of a stand-up guy who respects and values women and does things every now
and then to let her know is more attractive to me than
any musk I’ve smelled.
No comments:
Post a Comment