Let's Get Biblical!

Quote of the Day:
"Let's be really fucking polite to everyone!" - Book of Mormon, The Musical

DISCLAIMER: Though I am a firm supporter of the theory of evolution, I believe that there is definitely a higher power/energy/being at work in this ol' universe.

I was listening to musical soundtracks on my iPod, as I often do, and had a thought while listening to the Off-Broadway cult favorite, Children of Eden. Children of Eden is the story of Adam & Eve and Noah with the strong themes of parents, children, and the ups and downs when said parties interact. At one point in the soundtrack, Eve asks "Father" (God is always referred to as "Father" throughout the show) in reference to the Tree of Knowledge, "But Father, if the tree isn't good for us, then why did you put it here?"


Good question, Eve! You're much more insightful than your insect-alphabetizing counterpart, Adam! It's cuz he's a guy. God's perfect, right? Eden's perfect, right? All the fruit-bearing trees in Eden are perfect for eating, right? So what's the deal with this one tree you can't go near? How is this tree not perfect if God's perfect? Hmmm..... That got me to thinkin'.

But "Father" laid down the law and said, "Guys, stay the frak away from that tree. Don't ask why, just go play naked someplace else and name some animals. And that worked great for about five minutes. Some bored, ambitious little serpent decided to convince the nudists that it's all good and they should check out the forbidden goods (Sidenote: other than notoriety for deception, what did the snake ever get out of all this? Usually one tempts others for some sort of personal gain, so what's his story? Maybe God bet him to see if he could get Adam or Eve to go first.)

Here's what I think: That tree was totally, no doubt, supposed to be there and we (humanity) were totally supposed to find it. If you're perfect, you create perfect. So I believe that the tree was perfectly placed for perfectly curious humans to find; to graduate from blissful ignorance and discover knowledge.

But if that's the case, why were we given paradise in the first place? You may say that God gave us the choice to stay ignorant and naked in a perfect garden, but we chose free will instead. Or maybe God intended for us to stay his children forever and we were punished for our disobedience. Well I see it differently. I think the Garden of Eden was never meant to be a permanent gift to humanity. I think it was more of a orientation to life/baby shower-ish gift.

Just as kids mature and graduate from baby food and training toilets, humanity matured from perfect, constant leisure into a world of intellect and responsibility. I think we (collectively) can only handle everything being fed to us for a certain amount of time before we start to develop our own thoughts and wants and feelings. Sure, it would be nice to be spoon fed and have our ass wiped and have every problem or thought solved for us by some almighty deity, but isn't it nicer to choose what you want to eat or where you shit or have an opinion of your own?

So I believe that that garden was, in a nutshell, the infancy and childhood of humanity. It was our gift of simplicity and innocence before we would eventually have to grow up, leave our safe little nest, and explore the world and ourselves. Think about it (and the fact that you can think for yourself rests my case), what loving parent or "Father" would want their child to be a dependent automaton? So yeah, it's our nature: we're born, we grow, we learn, we develop, we make mistakes, we think. Thought and free will is probably our biggest pain in the ass as well as our greatest gift. So thanks, God!

...Either that or that tree is where he kept his porn.

Douchebags On Parade: A Reality TV Case Study

Thought of the Day:
It's strange that the evening news begins with "Good evening", and then proceeds to tell you why it isn't.

Reality TV. The one type of entertainment even faker than WWE wrestling. Sure, wrestling requires skill and discipline and an appearance of reality, but is it actually "wrestling"? No, it's beefy, sweaty guys pummeling each other with chairs or climbing up the ropes to jump on each other. Which is fine. But here's my complaint: If you're going to call it "Reality TV," you should film people who make sandwiches for lunch and shop at Target and have insecurities and get busted for smoking weed and fart. Otherwise, call it "Stupid, Spoiled, Glitzed-Up, Drunk Rich people who are only famous for being vain and petty" TV. ... I guess it's just easier to say "reality."

#1: I was walking past the TV the other night and my mom & stepdad were watching American Idol. Disclaimer: I can't stand this show. As Ryan Seacrest (Gayest Name Ever Award??) is talking to one of the female contestants, we see an unidentified lady rubbing stuff on the contestant's legs. The contestant explains that the unidentified lady is putting shimmer make-up on her legs for the camera. This. Is. Not. Reality. This is totally scripted, primped-and-polished, superfluous bullshit! If you're getting make-up put on your legs, you are not on "Reality TV." You are on "Celebrity TV" or "Wannabe Celebrity TV."


#2: I didn't feel like vacating the premises when my mother tuned into tonight's episode of The Bachelorette, and being a psych major, I have an odd fascination for examples of people who are completely void of all common sense, so I stuck around. So within five minutes, I realize that we have a dozen guys and one lady with not two brain cells to rub together. And that's ok; douchy, self-serving assholes need love too, I suppose. And I actually may be screwing my argument up here a bit. I would like to say that nauseatingly vain people competing for the affections of people they don't actually care about while dating 24 other people isn't reality, but we all know it happens. *Le sigh*

But that's just the problem, we don't want to watch nice, genuine, average people achieve happiness or come out on top or inspire others (unless there's a twist at the end or money involved). We want to watch those "perfect" people falling on their faces, whining in their stilettos, pushing through each other's fog of self-indulgence, totally unaware of how dead inside they must be, with camera people recording the whole thing. And ya know why we watch? Because somewhere in our sick brains, it makes us feel better about ourselves. We like to watch others fail or cry or show weakness while we sit comfortably in the living room knowing that we are not them.

It kinda bugs me that they call it "reality" - not just because it really isn't reality - because that makes the feeble-minded people and, in particular, impressionable young girls of the world believe that's what reality is, hence further damaging our already skewed sense of self esteem and self image. Anyone figure out the solution? Get the fuck out of your house and live your own life instead of watching someone else live theirs! For Christ's sake, folks, it's summer! Go to the beach or something!.... Oh, and if my tax dollars are what paid for that shimmer leg make-up, I'm gonna flip a shit!