Texas is the only state that permits residents to cast absentee ballots from space.
Ok, I was vegging out in front of the TV this evening after a lovely trip to Tar-jay (aka Target, and Mike, it's none of your goddamn business what I bought there!) and this charming little public service announcement comes on during Big Bang Theory:
Ok, first of all, Ew. Secondly, once I finally caught my breath after laughing for the next 12 minutes, I ventured into the vast expanses of the world wide web to maybe watch it again, just in case I was hallucinating. Well, I was not. This guy is smugly-yet-seriously advocating self-testes-exams. So fellas, if you wanna please your "woman" this Valentine's Day, don't shower her with flowers, chocolates, jewelry, or attention, just get your nuts checked out. Uh-huh. That'll make a lot of women happy!
Anyway, in my travels, I came across some equally entertaining PSAs:
Get your pap "schmear" this Hanukkah!
HA! Leave it to the Jews to make humor out of the act of getting your lady bits checked!
Now, the goyim don't have as funny a punchline, but it's just as gross:
Ew. Just ew.
And here we have a sexy number for all you last minute Christmas shoppers out there:
Yeah, because a dude can't schedule a prostate exam by himself. I can see that Christmas morning now: "A prostate exam appointment?! Oh, baby, that is SO hot! Will you watch me when I get it done?"
And for our Hanukkah version, we ladies want you gentlemen to know that your prostate is something we care about and depend on sexually.
Keep it kosher, homies! Mmmmm, kosher hot dogs!
So if Santa "forgot" to bring an exam appointment or two this year, show your loved ones you care by surprising them with a pap smear/prostate exam. Do you care? 'Cuz CBS cares!
Oh, and PS - To all you male readers who don't grasp the concept of sarcasm, your ladies would rather you handle that stuff on your own, then show her a good time with material objects and dinner out to a nice place where she can show you (and the bling you just bought her) off to all the other showing-off ladies.
To all your female readers, if your man can't schedule check-ups for his own nether-region, you might have a problem. Also, if he doesn't shower you with gifts and swooning on Valentine's Day, just realize that they usually don't invest in that kind of crap anywhere NEAR as much as you do.
To wrap it up, keep your naughty parts healthy so you can keep doing the nasty. L'chaim!
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